Untitled by Amy Leigh Cutler

I took the Lord's supper tonight;

the body and blood of Christ
has never been harder to swallow.
I waited in line and when I dipped
my bread I heard,
"Partake and live in freedom."
The words shook me to the core.
My face twisted, fists clenched,
jaw tightened.
I've been drinking too much.
Keeping my body around
to keep from getting lonely.
I've been waiting for
the law
to sew itself onto my chest
in red.
Let them all see your shame.
I didn't think the cost was too high.
Failure after failure;
a slur here,
kiss there,
smiling all the while.
Waiting for the law to strike
bright through me,
paralyze me with the weight of
my own inadequacy.
"Partake and live in freedom."
I've been trying to sew myself back
together.
I paint shame on my face
and laugh away the weight of what
I know is coming.
I'm naked,
manic,
and waiting,
but no one wants to throw the first stone.
They are waiting for something,
not sure what.
Throw the fucking stone-
I'm guilty.
The ones who raise their arms to throw
were the ones who touched me last.
I don't meet their eyes.
"Partake and live in freedom."
My eyes are squeezed tight
to keep the dirt out.
No one throws.
The stones are falling
but I'm guilty.
In the middle of my sin.
I've made no effort to change.
I didn't ask for mercy,
but the men are gone
and He's telling me
to live.
The body and blood of my Saviour
has never been harder to swallow.

Amy Leigh Cutler is an alum of the King’s College and a native New Yorker, born on Staten Island. She recently published her first book of poetry, Orange Juice and Rooftops, and the book has already made it to the front of Barnes and Noble. Check it out at: http://www.amyleighcutler.com